Ten Things You Should Never Say During A Job Interview

A good list from the folks at TBS.com...

Looking for a new job? Unfortunately, you'll probably have to interview for the position. Here are a few things to avoid in that stressful moment.

(NOTE: Don't be stupid enough to actually try any of the items below, or you'll find yourself in jail, in the hospital, or, even worse, in the unemployment line!)

1. Oh, my criminal record? Well...if it helps, I didn't pull the trigger.
   
   
2. If it involves sitting around doing nothing, I'm your man!
   
   
3. Are you busy later? I know a great little Italian place.
   
   
4. Wait, you wanted someone with at least a high school diploma? Nevermind.
   
   
5. References? That may be a problem due to those stupid restraining orders.
   
   
6. Aren't you Rachel's dad? Man, she's one wild and crazy chica!
   
   
7. Do you mind if I light up?
   
   
8. Where do I see myself a year from now? Sitting in your chair, actually.
   
   
9. Sorry if I'm not up to par this morning...I still have a nasty hangover.
   
   
10. Before we start the interview, can I get an advance on my pay? My bookie's an impatient man.

Breaking News!!!

This news just in:

All of the Wal-Marts across Alabama sold out of ammunition as of yesterday. A reliable source said that one of the purchasers commented that while Russia may have invaded Georgia, they sure as hell ain't gonna cross the line into Alabama.

An loldogs homage to late night tv...

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A quiz...

From and email...

A Quiz For People Who Know Everything!

(or Think They Know Everything)
These are Not Trick Questions.
They are Straight Questions with Straight Answers.

1. Name the One Sport in which neither the Spectators nor the Participants know the Score or the Leader until the Contest Ends.

2. What Famous North American Landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of All Vegetables, only Two can Live to produce on their own for several growing Seasons. All other vegetables must be re-planted every year.
What are the only Two Perennial Vegetables?

4. What Fruit has its Seeds on the Outside of the Skin?

5. In many Liquor Stores, You can Buy Pear Brandy, with a Real Pear inside the Bottle. The Pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way.
How Did the Pear get inside the Bottle?

6. Only Three Words in standard English begin with the Letters 'Dw' and they are all Common Words.
Name Two of them.

7. There are 14 Punctuation Marks in English Grammar.
Can You Name at least half of them?

8. Name the Only Vegetable or Fruit that is Never Sold Frozen, Canned, Processed, Cooked, or in any other form except Fresh.

9. Name 6 or more Things that You can Wear on Your Feet beginning with the Letter 'S.'

Answers To Quiz:

1. The One Sport in which neither the Spectators nor the Participants Know the Score or the Leader until the Contest Ends.
Boxing.

2. North American Landmark constantly moving backward.
Niagara Falls.

The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the Millions of Gallons of Water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only Two Vegetables that can Live to produce on their own for several growing Seasons.
Asparagus and Rhubarb.

4. The Fruit with its Seeds on the Outside of the Skin. Strawberry.

5. How did the Pear get inside the Brandy Bottle?
It Grew Inside The Bottle.
The Bottles are placed over Pear Buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the Tree. The Bottle is left in place for the entire Growing Season. When the Pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English Words beginning with Dw.....

Dwarf, Dwell and Dwindle.

7. Fourteen Punctuation Marks in English Grammar. Period, Comma, Colon, Semicolon, Dash, Hyphen, Apostrophe, Question Mark, Exclamation Point, Quotation Marks, Brackets, Parenthesis, Braces, and Ellipses.

8. The Only Vegetable or Fruit Never Sold Frozen, Canned, Processed, Cooked, or in any other form but...

Fresh Lettuce.

9. Six or more Things..... You can Wear on Your Feet beginning with 'S'.
Shoes, Socks, Sandals, Sneakers, Slippers, Skis, Skates, Snowshoes, Stockings, Stilts.

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HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

From an email I just received....

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............

This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.

It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do a bout it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

Send it to your friends to frustrate them too!

Dating Dictionary

As seen on one of the forums I frequent:

For all you single peeps, heres a little legend to help you all in dealing with the opposite sex.

40-ish.................................49
Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone
Athletic...............................No breasts
Average looking..................Moooo
Beautiful..............................Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure...........On medication
Free Spirit...........................Junkie
Friendship first....................Former Slut
Ne w-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned.....................No B.J.'s
Open-minded.......................Desperate
Outgoing............................Loud and embarrassing
Professional.......................female doggie
Feminist..............................Fat????
Voluptuous.........................Very fat
Large frame........................Hugely fat
Wants soul mate.................Stalker


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes.. ..................................No
No............................... .......Yes
Maybe................................No
We need.............................I want
I am sorry......................... You'll be sorry
We need to talk..................You're in trouble
Fine, go ahead...................You better not
Do what you want............You will pay for this later
I am not upset.....................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're very attentive tonight......Is sex all you ever think about?


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry..........................I am hungry
I am sleepy...........................I am sleepy
I am tired..............................I am tired
Nice dress............................Nice cleavage
I love yo u..............................Let's have sex now
I am bored............................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?.................I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?.....I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit......I'm gay.

JHudds

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THE #1 SONG ON THIS DATE IN HISTORY

I saw this interesting link posted on one of the forums. Pick a date from your personal history and see what song was #1 on the charts at that date.

Joke of the day...

Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.


It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather
had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to
the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Bubba's 21st birthday came around, he and his
pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake.

Bubba stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!

Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother.

"Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't
I walk across The lake like my pappy, his father, and his
father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said,
"Because your father, your grandfather and your great
grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen,
and you were born in July, you idiot."