Nothing to see here, move along.

joke of the week from tbs...

2012-02-13T11:29:00.000-08:00

Valentines gift idea...

The day before Valentine's Day, Bob didn't know what to do to celebrate with his new wife, and was looking for inspiration. He asked his friend Tom whether he planned to give his wife a gift."Oh, yes, of course," Tom said. "I got her a belt and a bag." "Wow, that sounds great," Bob said. "I'm sure she'll love them.""Definitely," Tom replied. "She's been wanting them for months.

"She can't seem to get the vacuum to work right without them."

Super Bowl Sunday 2012 Commercials...

2012-02-05T03:18:00.000-08:00

Not overly impressed with the ones I've seen so far this year...

joke of the week from TBS...

2012-01-23T13:33:00.000-08:00

Some race horses in a stable were chatting, and one of them said, "I've won eight out of my last 15 races!"Another horse broke in, "Well, in my last 27 races, I've won 19!!"At this point, they noticed that a greyhound dog had been sitting there listening."I don't mean to boast," said the greyhound, "but I've won 88 of my last 90 races!"The horses were clearly amazed.

and the punchline is ..."Wow!" said one of the horses. "A talking dog!"Punchline: TBS.com

Cheese Grater Slide?!?

2012-01-20T00:48:00.000-08:00

see more epicfails

Someone didn't read the 'Cheese Only' sign at the top of the slide... Doh!

ihazahotdog vs lolcats

2012-01-09T08:14:00.001-08:00

see more dog and puppy pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

'Around the world in 90 minutes...'

2011-12-02T00:09:00.000-08:00

Earth | Time Lapse View from Space, Fly Over | NASA, ISS from Michael König on Vimeo.

A pretty cool video of time lapse shots of the Earth from the International Space Station...

Ultimate Home Defense Door Stop...

2011-11-11T07:39:00.001-08:00

I've seen a few large monkey's fists online, tied over bowling balls, and once read a blog article where someone that worked at a bowling alley used the old worn out bowling balls as cores for fists. Swinging one of those inside a home would definitely do some damage to anyone or anything it came into contact with, lol...

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T05:25:00.000-07:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!
see more dog and puppy pictures

Now where'd I hide that candy corn?...

2011-10-25T23:15:00.000-07:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

I need new glasses...

2011-09-06T14:03:00.001-07:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

French braid...

2011-08-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

Even reptiles have trouble with braiding, who knew?

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

Wait! Let me get my life vest on first!

see more dog and puppy pictures

Creepy kitteh in motion, beware of dog, and a WIN...

2011-08-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

I wonder what scared the kitteh into that hunchback two-legged escape?...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

see more dog and puppy pictures

Kiddy sleeping bag/shark...

see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!

Why do I have an urge to go out and buy a Big Mac?...

2011-06-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

...Okay, I'll have a Big Mac, 2 cheeseburgers, large fries, Supersized please... Oh, you don't 'Supersize' anymore? Okay then, 2 large fries, a large chocolate shake, and a large Diet Coke... Oh yeah, and a fried apple pie. :)

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

joke of the week from TBS...

2011-06-13T09:49:00.000-07:00

"During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criteria was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

and the punchline is ...

"No," said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

Diabetes, it's what's for dinner...

2011-06-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!

Shoulder cord knot work...

2011-05-03T18:43:00.000-07:00

This is from Failblog, and split britches can be funny as long as it doesn't happen to you. I was reminded of joining my first bowling league, while in high school, and at the first meeting, I managed to split my britches(blue jeans) down the back and and got a 7/10 pin split at the same time...

As to the photo, I was trying to figure out what kind of knot/braid/sinnet was used with the fellow's shoulder cord, lol...

see more funny videos, and check out our Yo Dawg lols!

If only....

2011-03-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

see more funny videos, and check out our Forever Alone lols!

Of course it depends on what the job is...

Emerson is confused with his mommy's nose blowing...

2011-03-16T04:26:00.000-07:00

You can't help but laugh at the little guy's back and forth between WTF and laughter at his mommy blowing her nose...

Dogs and blogging...

2011-02-18T12:18:00.001-08:00

see more dog and puppy pictures

Well then, it's high time the pooch starts paying rent!

Two for one parking space...

2011-01-25T00:13:00.000-08:00

Neat. But, I want to know how they're gonna get the cars out of the parking space, with vehicles in the spaces next to them?...

see more That Will Buff Out

Pant Chair...

2011-01-10T13:05:00.001-08:00

OMG, must have, but I think I need a heavy duty version, lol...

see more Hacked IRL - Truth in Sarcasm

Getting comfy....

2011-01-06T18:27:00.000-08:00

A good spot to lie down always needs a little prodding to make sure it's just right...

see more dog and puppy pictures

Happy Holidays!?

2010-12-18T08:26:00.001-08:00

Wendy's...

see more

Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 Movie Trailer

2010-12-15T09:04:00.000-08:00

Coming Summer of 2011:

Metrodome Collapse

2010-12-12T12:42:00.000-08:00

Kind of mirrors the their team's performance this season, collapsed...

<a href="http://msn.foxsports.com/video?vid=ca15cffb-3b66-49a0-84ca-20ed0a175567" target="_new" title="">NFL on FOX: Metrodome collapse</a>

Victoria's Secret Holiday 2010 Video...

2010-12-02T23:54:00.000-08:00

This video came up after searching for info on the upcoming 'Transformers 3' movie. One of the models, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley , is taking Megan Fox's place in the movie...

Happy Halloween Weekend!

2010-10-29T21:06:00.001-07:00

see more Lol Celebs

Zombie Head Cookie Jar...

2010-10-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

If I ever win the lottery, ThinkGeek is gonna get a lot of business from me, lol...

Puppy and a pool...

2010-09-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

German Shepperd puppy and pool...

Tai Chi, Darth Vader style...

2010-08-29T18:59:00.000-07:00

Star Wars Tai Chi from John Leo on Vimeo.

joke of the week from TBS...

2010-08-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast food joint. They had ordered one meal. The old man carefully divided the meal in half.

The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to buy another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been shared, 50/50."

"But why isn't she eating?" the young man asked.

"It's his turn with the teeth," the old man's wife told him.

lolcat for the day...

2010-08-20T13:33:00.000-07:00

All the Gold in California...

2010-08-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

I traded a BB gun for my first stereo, sometime back around 1980, and a Gatlin Brothers song on a vinyl record came with it...

Topsy Turvy Week 10...

2010-07-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

Some of our bell peppers are doing well and turning orange. A few of the larger green ones have had some blossom end rot, so we've removed the affected ones.

Topsy Turvy Tomato Tree Week 9

2010-07-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

Week 9 with our Topsy Turvy Tomato Tree. A steady ripening supply of cherry tomatoes and some of the mid-size hybrids are starting to ripen too...

Topsy Turvy Tomato Tree Week 8

2010-06-27T06:42:00.001-07:00

Here's a few pics from week 8 with our TT. A few cherry tomatoes were brought in to ripen on the windowsill...

Topsy Turvy Tomato Tree Week 7

2010-06-21T04:00:00.000-07:00

It's week 7, and our plants continue to do well despite the mid 90 degree daily temps, and a few tomato hornworms showing up. A couple of patio umbrellas give the plants a break from the intense heat of the sun during the day, which was causing a bit of wilting.

The tomato stalk that broke and I removed, was placed in another planter, and although it looked rough for a few days, seems to be doing much better and even has a few new tomatoes on it. I guess it just needed a little time to get some new roots growing from the stalk before it improved.

Star Wars: The Old Republic - "Hope" Cinematic Trailer

2010-06-18T22:35:00.000-07:00

Pretty cool....

Topsy Turvy Tomato Tree Week 5...

2010-06-12T13:21:00.001-07:00

It's week 5 for our Topsy Turvy Tomato tree... I removed the rest of the stalk that broke during the week and the main plant still looks ok. The broken stalk was placed in another planter with the hope that it might survive, but it isn't looking well. The rest are growing like weeds.

Topsy Turvy Week 4...

2010-06-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

Week 4 has come and the plants survive and thrive. There's a bit of wilting in the heat of the day, but adding water perks them right back up.

One of our tomato plants stalks split sometime during the day. It wasn't particularly windy, so I don't know why it happened. From some research, I see it's not uncommon and the plant may heal itself if the broken stalk is carefully tied back and secured...

Topsy Turvy at week 3

2010-05-30T04:46:00.000-07:00

Three weeks in and the plants are still alive. Plenty of blooms and a few new tomatoes are showing up, and the bell peppers are doing good too.

joke of the week from TBS...

2010-05-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

A pregnant woman was involved in a car accident and fell into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she woke up and saw that she was no longer pregnant and frantically asked the doctor about her baby.

"Ma'am, you had twins!" the doctor said. "A boy and a girl. Your uncle came in and named them."

"Oh, no, not my uncle! He's an idiot," the woman lamented. "What are their names?"

"Well, the girl's name is Denise," the doctor replied.

"Wow, that's not bad! I like it," the woman said. "What about the boy?"

and the punchline is ...

"Denephew," the doctor said.

Topsy Turvy at week 2

2010-05-23T08:00:00.001-07:00

The tomatoes have some blooms and everything looks good.

Topsy Turvy after one week...

2010-05-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

The three tomato plants are still alive and growing after one week and a few pepper plants have been added to the planter too...

Topsy Turvy Tomato Tree - As Seen on TV

2010-05-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

I bought my mom one of those Topsy Turvy Tomato Trees - As Seen on TV, for Mother's Day. I found it at Walgreens, this model being able to hold 3 plants and having a 5 foot tall steel stand to support it. This one was considerably more($49.99) than the single bag version($9.99) most often seen.

Of course it didn't come with either tomato plants or potting soil, so I bought three different types of tomato plants(cherry, hybrid, beefsteak) and organic soil mix at Walmart($20). There's still spaces available to add three herb type plants too.

It should get plenty of sun on the back patio. Hopefully it'll be productive. I figure with what I spent, it needs to put out 30+ pounds of tomatos, which one plant alone should do...

A few 9-1-1 calls...

2010-05-04T16:14:00.000-07:00

Received this in an email, good for a laugh or two...

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I' m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is............

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath... Darn......I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police

Lane Bryant TV ad...

2010-04-27T23:49:00.001-07:00

There were complaints about the Lane Bryant TV ad, but I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I think I've watched it 20 times and.... nope, nothing wrong with it, but I'll keep watching to see if I find anything to complain about...

The doggy diet...

2010-04-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

You can't help but eat less when the dog's begging for some of what you've got...

PBS: Carrier - Landing on a Pitching Deck

2010-04-07T04:03:00.000-07:00

Where's my dramamine?...

From the PBS documentary series "Carrier" - Rites of Passage. Navy pilots landing aboard the USS Nimitz during rough seas in the Pacific.

Part 1

Part 2

Joke: Your Duck is Dead...

2010-03-18T02:51:00.001-07:00

--Your Duck is Dead--

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the Vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

Tips for Shopping Healthy...

2010-03-11T19:12:00.000-08:00

My brother-in-law was on the Fox morning show in Orlando. Click on the photo for story and video. Max's website: Orlando Fit Camp

Popular Science

2010-03-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

Popular Science has partnered with Google to offer their 137-year archive for free browsing.

joke of the week from tbs...

2010-02-22T09:42:00.000-08:00

After a day of fishing, a man was carrying two trout in a bucket. He was approached by a warden who asked him for his fishing license.

"I wasn't fishing," the fisherman said. "These are my pets. Every day I come down to the water, dump them in and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I'm ready to go, I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home."

All the warden did was laugh.

"If you don't believe me, watch!" the fisherman said as he threw the trout back into the water.

The warden said, "OK, now whistle to your fish and show me that they'll jump out of the water and into the bucket."

"What fish?" the man replied.

Snow Day in Georgia

2010-02-13T04:32:00.000-08:00

Snowed on Friday, February 12, 2010. Officially 6" recorded in McDonough, Georgia. Not a big deal in most places, but it's the most seen around here since the 'Blizzard of '93'.

Charlie Brooker - How To Report The News

2010-02-02T00:12:00.001-08:00

I got a laugh or two out of this British YouTube video with a formula for news reporting...

Bitten by a zombie?

2010-01-31T12:34:00.001-08:00

Created by Oatmeal

Now where'd I leave my keys?......

2010-01-21T12:38:00.001-08:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Ten Things You Should Never Say During A Job Interview

2010-01-12T03:12:00.000-08:00

Ten Things You Should Never Say During A Job Interview from tbs...

Looking for a new job? Unfortunately, you'll probably have to interview for the position. Here are a few things to avoid in that stressful moment.

(NOTE: Don't be stupid enough to actually try any of the items below, or you'll find yourself in jail, in the hospital, or, even worse, in the unemployment line!)

Joke of the week from TBS...

2009-12-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

A struggling artist was having some money troubles, so he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his recently-displayed paintings.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.

"Good news first, please," the artist said.

"Well, a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

the punchline is...

"The guy was your doctor."

IRON MAN 2 Trailer...

2009-12-21T17:37:00.000-08:00

It looks entertaining...

Talks Naturally 7 beatboxes a whole band

2009-12-14T13:55:00.001-08:00

Que Sera Sera!

2009-12-02T11:31:00.001-08:00

Joke of the Week from TBS...

2009-11-30T12:15:00.001-08:00

A man was riding in a cab, and tapped on the driver's shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed at the top of his lungs, lost control of the wheel and swerved just before slamming into a bus.

For a moment, the cab was silent, until the driver finally said, "Please don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

"I'm so sorry," said the passenger. "I had no idea a tap on the shoulder could scare someone so much."

the punchline is...

"Today is my first day driving a cab," the driver explained. "I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

Thanksgiving is almost upon us...

2009-11-21T06:44:00.000-08:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

The furry ones want to eat too...

Forklift accident....

2009-11-03T23:05:00.000-08:00

I've safely operated various types of forklifts over the years and I'm glad I never had an accident like this one. It's still funny, but such a waste of vodka and congnac...

Joke of the Week from TBS...

2009-11-02T08:13:00.001-08:00

A woman got onto a bus holding a baby, and the bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

The woman was furious and slammed down into a seat.

"What's wrong?" asked the man next to her.

"That bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

"That's just wrong," said the man.

"You're right," said the woman. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"Good idea," the man replied.

the punchline is...

"Here, let me hold your monkey for you."

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T03:30:00.000-07:00

October 31, 2009...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

"The Tesla Device"

2009-10-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

A friend made a movie called 'The Tesla Device'. Written/Directed/Produced by Joey Pruitt. Here's the trailer for it...

Some days things come down....

2009-10-09T05:10:00.000-07:00

Maybe the remote batteries are dead... or they're pressing the down button on purpose...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

To wait or not wait....

2009-09-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

I'd probably have eaten it before she had time to give any instructions...

Puppy does turtle on back impression...

2009-09-12T03:00:00.000-07:00

Somebody help the little guy out....

Dragon Con is in town...

2009-09-04T10:07:00.000-07:00

Dragon Con is here in Atlanta for the Labor Day weekend, and this pic had me thinking of the sci-fi/fantasy stuff that'll be going on...

see more dog and puppy pictures

Every time I think about having a drink....

2009-09-01T02:09:00.001-07:00

... I have second thoughts...

see more dog and puppy pictures

Will dance for bukkit...

2009-08-30T15:57:00.000-07:00

I'd guess a 'Smooth Criminal' stole his bukkit.

Sling Blade...

2009-08-28T22:13:00.000-07:00

Falling down...

2009-08-22T19:22:00.001-07:00

One of my sisters fell today and fractured her foot. Flip flops are the guilty culprit. I hope she gets well soon. On a lighter note, I found this video which reminds us that that first step is doozy, so be careful... :)

Seen on bendecho

From a "How Would You Fix the Economy?" article...

2009-08-18T20:33:00.000-07:00

see more Political Pictures

Came across this post on one of the forums I frequent...

"From an article in the St. Petersburg, FL Times Newspaper on Sunday.
The Business Section asked for readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?" (I think the guy nailed it!)

Dear Mr. President:
I'd like to submit (below) my suggestion for fixing America's economy.
Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it "the Patriotic Retirement Plan".

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations.

(1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings = Unemployment fixed!
(2) They must buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered = Auto Industry fixed.
(3) The MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage = Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that! If more money is needed, besides printing it, have all members of Congress and their constituents pay their taxes!....

If you who are reading this, think this would work, please copy this and forward it to everyone you know."

No 'paint by numbers' here...

2009-08-12T05:06:00.000-07:00

see more Lol Celebs

joke of the week from TBS

2009-08-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

After a couple days of having trouble hearing out of one ear, an elderly woman finally went to the doctor to investigate the problem.

The doctor took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out.

After examining the object for a second, he laughed.

"Well, ma'am, it seems you've inserted a suppository into your ear!"

The old woman thought for a moment.

"Gee," she said. "I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing aid!"

Well fed...

2009-08-04T20:52:00.001-07:00

I like seafood, see food and eat it...

Yearbook Yourself

2009-07-31T14:38:00.001-07:00

You upload your photo and it'll show you how you'd have looked through the decades... If I'd had a goatee and a mullet in 1988, this is what I might have looked lik, lol. <-- click on photo to go to the Yearbook Yourself webpage, and add your own photo.

Words to live by...

2009-07-28T10:51:00.001-07:00

...from a fwd email...

'If the enemy is in range, so are you..'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
'It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you just bombed'
- U.S. Air Force Manual
-----------------------------
'Aim towards the Enemy'
- Instructions printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher
-----------------------------
'When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.'
- U.S. Marine Corps
-----------------------------
'Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed always to hit the ground.'
- USAF Ammo Troop
---------------------------------------------------
'Whoever said the pen is mightier then the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General Douglas MacArthur
---------------------------------------------------
'Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo...'
- Infantry Journal
---------------------------------------------------
'You, you, and you. Panic. The rest of you come with me.'
- U.S. Marine Gunnery Sgt
----------------------------------------------------
'Tracers work both ways.'
- U.S. Army Ordnance
---------------------------------------------------
'Five second fuses only last three seconds'
- Infantry Journal
----------------------------------------------------
'Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything...'
- U.S. Navy Swabbie
----------------------------------------------------
'Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.'
- Colonel David Hackworth
-----------------------------------------------------
'If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush.'
- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------
'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
------------------------------------------------------
'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.'
- Unknown Marine Recruit
----------------------------------------- --------------
'Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.'
-----------------------------
'If you see a bomb technician running, follow him.'
- USAF Ammo Troop
-------------------------------------------------------
'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
-------------------------------------------------------
'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
-----------------------------
'Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.'
- From an old carrier sailor
------------------------------------------------------
'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore unsafe.'
-----------------------------
'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash'
-----------------------------
''What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If an ATC screws up.... The pilot dies.'
-----------------------------
Two of the most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
'Why is it doing that?', 'Where are we?'
-----------------------------
'Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.'
-----------------------------
'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to complete the flight successfully.'
------------------------------
'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!'
-----------------------------
'Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag to store dead batteries.'
-----------------------------
'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
-----------------------------
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.'
Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
--------------------------------------------------------
'A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.'
- Jon McBride, astronaut
--------------------------------------------------------
'If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.'
- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot )
-----------------------------
'A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.'
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
--------------------------------------------------------
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
--------------------------------------------------------
'Basic Flying Rules: 'Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it.
The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees
and interstellar space.. It is much more difficult to fly there.'
-----------------------------
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'

Joke of the Week from TBS...

2009-07-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

A man was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her "honey," "my love," "darling," "sweetheart" or "pumpkin."

The man was impressed. The couple had been married almost 60 years.

While his friend's wife was off in the kitchen, the man turned to his friend.

"I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names," he said.

His buddy hung his head.

the punchline is...

"To tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

Careful what you write...

2009-07-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

It's kind of funny to see all the stuff folks actually write and post online about themselves for anyone to see...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Don't take your eyes off the blue ball...

2009-07-10T12:49:00.000-07:00

<--- An aspirin might help after a minute or two...

Law enforcement officers fighting, caught on video...

2009-07-04T17:08:00.000-07:00

Fight is on!!!

Sweet & Spicy BBQ Pizza...

2009-06-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

Sweet & Spicy BBQ Pizza: A DiGiorno Cheese Pizza, add thick sliced ham, hot & sweet jalapenos, Sweet Baby Ray's Honey BBQ Sauce, and pepperjack cheese, amounts of each to your taste... 18 minutes in 425 degree oven and enjoy.

I'll just stay out of the fast lane...

2009-06-23T00:29:00.000-07:00

I dunno what's worst, speeders or back seat drivers...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

ebay...

2009-06-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

If I don't get what I ordered off ebay, the seller usually says, "Well, you're SOL! See ya!". Bastids!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

This dog is playing with fire...

2009-06-11T21:17:00.001-07:00

The kitteh is giving the pup the evil eye and the pup doesn't seem to know what to do about it...

GRITS...from a recent fwd email...

2009-06-11T11:46:00.001-07:00

ent email

What Are Grits?

(Nobody Knows)

Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as a Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits.

Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

How Grits are Formed:

(According to Southern Georgia)

Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in South Georgia, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).

Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.

Historical Grits:

(Remains only a rumor)

As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert.

After that, the Grits was not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that the Grits was used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and was kept from the public due to it's rarity.

The next mention of the Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary discovered in the seat of an old sedan.

The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus

(Aunt Jemima to her friends.)

The 10 Commandments of Grits:

I Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits

II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife

III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy

IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits

V. Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and red eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits

VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits

VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits

VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.

IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch .

X.. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.

How to Cook Grits:

(If you can stand the heat)

For one serving of Grits: Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tbsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all there is to cooking grits.

How to make red eye gravy: Fry salt cured country ham in cast-iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.

How to Eat Grits:

(If you really care to)

Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)

In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they can cause cancer, rotten teeth and impotence. Next, add salt.

(NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)

Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork..

The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. (DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk.) Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's Cream of Wheat.

Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
(Leftover grits are extremely rare)

Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight. The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2' of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, totally unacceptable, but delicious!.

REDNECK BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS

May the Lord bless these grits,

May no Yankee ever get the recipe,

May I eat grits every day while living,

And may I die while eating grits.

AMEN

Now I'm hungry....

2009-06-08T20:53:00.001-07:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

My email inbox is full of these...

2009-06-03T23:45:00.000-07:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Kittehs ar victms of spam too...

Joke of the Week from tbs...

2009-06-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.

This continued several times before Joe's curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me," he said. "I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"

"There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"

Dogs like exercise too....

2009-05-30T07:27:00.003-07:00

If a border collie can do squats, so can you.... maybe....

And he's cheating by leaning against the wall....

Home security....

2009-05-29T06:58:00.000-07:00

If only all burglars would meet such a fate...

see more dog and puppy pictures

Fish in the bathtub?...

2009-05-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

Just so stupid it's funny.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

see more dog and puppy pictures

I get a laugh imagining the cat's reaction to stepping in the dog's pile....

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T04:24:00.000-07:00

If you're an American, please take at least a minute, sometime during this day no matter what you're doing, to reflect on what Memorial Day means for this nation.

New Health Warning...

2009-05-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

<---- Click to enlarge image.

Double parked....

2009-05-22T17:51:00.001-07:00

see more Fail Blog